In our house we have two very distinct areas of living. The upstairs is mostly my domain - my office and daughter's playroom is up here along with the bedrooms. The lower level has the kitchen, dining and living rooms as well as my partner Kevin's office/studio. I am usually blissfully content staying upstairs, doing homework, editing photos, reading, whatever. Tonight after I finished putting together a presentation I desperately wanted to escape the stacks of textbooks, co-dependent cats and bad lighting. I went downstairs to have a beer, smoke and was going to settle in on the couch with my laptop to read about through the viewfinder photography techniques. I quickly found that Kevin was not alone - the muses had decided to pay him a visit.

I was incredibly happy to see that he was writing, as I know that songs don't come easy. As I went to grab a smoke he asked if I was planning on hanging out downstairs. I was...but he is uncomfortable working out a new song if anyone is nearby I found out. I get it, I really do - but tonight it really frustrated me. It's not too often that I really desperately want to escape from my corner of the world, and as luck would have it, it is on a night where inspiration has struck. So now I'm back upstairs, with cat in my lap and an Oatmeal Stout by my side.

I'm trying to be understanding, but sometimes its just really hard living with and being in a relationship with a gifted musician. Like any other artist, he has his quirks. I don't really think that people such as himself are well-suited for close relationships and family life - but he's doing the best he can. I've gotten used to the rehearsals and gigs. I try to give him time and space, as that is what he wants more than anything, but that does not mean it's always easy. It's funny, I'm so proud of him and I want him to write and make music and do the thing he loves more than anything else in the world. I try not to take it personally that most of the time he'd rather have a stringed instrument in his lap than me. There are many nights I just want to be left alone to do the things I enjoy. Tonight I am enjoying solitude - just not in my regular domain. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm bitching or that I want him to change who he is. I love him and I'm constantly amazed by his talents - I am thrilled he's working on a song and using the new mic I got him. I'm just feeling a little trapped up here right now.

I am trying to figure out why this is hurting me - I'm not upset that I am not getting attention as I really don't feel like talking, I think it's just the fact that this is supposed to be our house, and I can't be where I want to right now. Maybe it's because this house has never felt like mine, as he picked it out and purchased it with someone else. I didn't help pick the paint colors or choose where the couch went. Granted, I took over the kitchen and the entire upstairs, but I still feel like a guest. This is not his fault, he's tried to make us feel welcome and has told me several times that this is my house too. Him and I both have very strong personalities and ideas about the way things should be, and many times they are conflicting. We both have made many adjustments to the way we live - I fold laundry differently now, he has learned to adjust to the noise and chaos that a neurotic girlfriend and her active three year old brings. It's been an incredible opportunity for both of us to learn how to be less selfish and to compromise more, as neither one of us has ever been any good at that. This relationship has by far been the most difficult, yet also the most rewarding.

Right now I'm feeling some guilt as he just popped his head in the door at the bottom of the steps to let me know that he was done. I hope that he is finished because he wanted to be and not because he felt guilty for asking me to come up here. Tonight, this was a first, being politely asked to go upstairs. I think that from now on I can accommodate that request with out all of these frustrations. I'm trying to be a better person, really I am.

Work in Progress