I'm Not the Only One
Originally uploaded by Annie Ominous
Monday, June 22, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
In our house we have two very distinct areas of living. The upstairs is mostly my domain - my office and daughter's playroom is up here along with the bedrooms. The lower level has the kitchen, dining and living rooms as well as my partner Kevin's office/studio. I am usually blissfully content staying upstairs, doing homework, editing photos, reading, whatever. Tonight after I finished putting together a presentation I desperately wanted to escape the stacks of textbooks, co-dependent cats and bad lighting. I went downstairs to have a beer, smoke and was going to settle in on the couch with my laptop to read about through the viewfinder photography techniques. I quickly found that Kevin was not alone - the muses had decided to pay him a visit.
I was incredibly happy to see that he was writing, as I know that songs don't come easy. As I went to grab a smoke he asked if I was planning on hanging out downstairs. I was...but he is uncomfortable working out a new song if anyone is nearby I found out. I get it, I really do - but tonight it really frustrated me. It's not too often that I really desperately want to escape from my corner of the world, and as luck would have it, it is on a night where inspiration has struck. So now I'm back upstairs, with cat in my lap and an Oatmeal Stout by my side.
I'm trying to be understanding, but sometimes its just really hard living with and being in a relationship with a gifted musician. Like any other artist, he has his quirks. I don't really think that people such as himself are well-suited for close relationships and family life - but he's doing the best he can. I've gotten used to the rehearsals and gigs. I try to give him time and space, as that is what he wants more than anything, but that does not mean it's always easy. It's funny, I'm so proud of him and I want him to write and make music and do the thing he loves more than anything else in the world. I try not to take it personally that most of the time he'd rather have a stringed instrument in his lap than me. There are many nights I just want to be left alone to do the things I enjoy. Tonight I am enjoying solitude - just not in my regular domain. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm bitching or that I want him to change who he is. I love him and I'm constantly amazed by his talents - I am thrilled he's working on a song and using the new mic I got him. I'm just feeling a little trapped up here right now.
I am trying to figure out why this is hurting me - I'm not upset that I am not getting attention as I really don't feel like talking, I think it's just the fact that this is supposed to be our house, and I can't be where I want to right now. Maybe it's because this house has never felt like mine, as he picked it out and purchased it with someone else. I didn't help pick the paint colors or choose where the couch went. Granted, I took over the kitchen and the entire upstairs, but I still feel like a guest. This is not his fault, he's tried to make us feel welcome and has told me several times that this is my house too. Him and I both have very strong personalities and ideas about the way things should be, and many times they are conflicting. We both have made many adjustments to the way we live - I fold laundry differently now, he has learned to adjust to the noise and chaos that a neurotic girlfriend and her active three year old brings. It's been an incredible opportunity for both of us to learn how to be less selfish and to compromise more, as neither one of us has ever been any good at that. This relationship has by far been the most difficult, yet also the most rewarding.
Right now I'm feeling some guilt as he just popped his head in the door at the bottom of the steps to let me know that he was done. I hope that he is finished because he wanted to be and not because he felt guilty for asking me to come up here. Tonight, this was a first, being politely asked to go upstairs. I think that from now on I can accommodate that request with out all of these frustrations. I'm trying to be a better person, really I am.
Work in Progress
I was incredibly happy to see that he was writing, as I know that songs don't come easy. As I went to grab a smoke he asked if I was planning on hanging out downstairs. I was...but he is uncomfortable working out a new song if anyone is nearby I found out. I get it, I really do - but tonight it really frustrated me. It's not too often that I really desperately want to escape from my corner of the world, and as luck would have it, it is on a night where inspiration has struck. So now I'm back upstairs, with cat in my lap and an Oatmeal Stout by my side.
I'm trying to be understanding, but sometimes its just really hard living with and being in a relationship with a gifted musician. Like any other artist, he has his quirks. I don't really think that people such as himself are well-suited for close relationships and family life - but he's doing the best he can. I've gotten used to the rehearsals and gigs. I try to give him time and space, as that is what he wants more than anything, but that does not mean it's always easy. It's funny, I'm so proud of him and I want him to write and make music and do the thing he loves more than anything else in the world. I try not to take it personally that most of the time he'd rather have a stringed instrument in his lap than me. There are many nights I just want to be left alone to do the things I enjoy. Tonight I am enjoying solitude - just not in my regular domain. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm bitching or that I want him to change who he is. I love him and I'm constantly amazed by his talents - I am thrilled he's working on a song and using the new mic I got him. I'm just feeling a little trapped up here right now.
I am trying to figure out why this is hurting me - I'm not upset that I am not getting attention as I really don't feel like talking, I think it's just the fact that this is supposed to be our house, and I can't be where I want to right now. Maybe it's because this house has never felt like mine, as he picked it out and purchased it with someone else. I didn't help pick the paint colors or choose where the couch went. Granted, I took over the kitchen and the entire upstairs, but I still feel like a guest. This is not his fault, he's tried to make us feel welcome and has told me several times that this is my house too. Him and I both have very strong personalities and ideas about the way things should be, and many times they are conflicting. We both have made many adjustments to the way we live - I fold laundry differently now, he has learned to adjust to the noise and chaos that a neurotic girlfriend and her active three year old brings. It's been an incredible opportunity for both of us to learn how to be less selfish and to compromise more, as neither one of us has ever been any good at that. This relationship has by far been the most difficult, yet also the most rewarding.
Right now I'm feeling some guilt as he just popped his head in the door at the bottom of the steps to let me know that he was done. I hope that he is finished because he wanted to be and not because he felt guilty for asking me to come up here. Tonight, this was a first, being politely asked to go upstairs. I think that from now on I can accommodate that request with out all of these frustrations. I'm trying to be a better person, really I am.
Work in Progress
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Suspicion
Suspicion
Originally uploaded by Annie Ominous
For the most part I abhor "princess" fairy tales - especially how Disney presents them in their films. The protagonist is usually a beautiful young girl, who while suffering some tragedy manages to stay positive and kind. The villian is portrayed by an older, spiteful woman who is jealous of the young girl's grace and beauty. The young girl is helpless and must be rescued by a brave and handsome Prince. The stories Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White all exemplify those archtypes - and their stories and images are agressively marketed to young girls. My daughter watches these movies and I am okay with that as they are fun films to watch. I wonder though how much stories like these reinforce the Fear of the Other Woman. We often see each other as the enemy, rivals to be suspicious of - especially if the other woman is younger and prettier. Granted, there is a evolutionary and biological explaination for why women (and men) are sexually competive. But I just think that when girls grow up on stories where woman is pitted against woman and finds redemption through a man that it is a little damaging to the spirit.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
She pooped in my cornflakes, but I'll get even.
I am trying to shake off a bad case of the nasties I caught from some gleefully rotten customer service representative from Nicor. I don't want to bore you with the details, but the gist of it is that I need Nicor to provide proof that I did not have gas service in my name at a former residence after a certain date. Seems simple enough, yes? I faxed a letter to Nicor, per Nicor's request a month ago. I received a call back today from "Fatima", letting me know that my request is being denied. She did not understand what the letter was requesting and would not stop interupting me long enough to hear. She was rude, inflexible and probably didn't have two brain cells to rub together. I mentioned to her that she might want to consider changing her attitude, seeing as she works in CUSTOMER SERVICE.
My problem was not that she was calling to give me bad news, which was frustrating, but nothing I cannot handle. The issue was that she sounded positively JUBILANT as she crapped all over my morning. You could tell that she was DELIGHTED to be giving me bad news. I apologized to her for what must be such an awful life that it inspires her in her place of work to be a raging cuntface. I hope Fatima loses her job and is replaced by somebody who is actually grateful to have employment.
There. I have finished ranting and now I can move on with my day.
On the bright side, the sun is out!!! I am hoping to get my work done early enough so that I can take a couple of pictures. And tomorrow is the Aurora ArtWalk which I am stoked about. And Saturday is the Bluegrass Festival. These are all happy, wonderful things. The world is a lovely place.
Take that, Fatima.
My problem was not that she was calling to give me bad news, which was frustrating, but nothing I cannot handle. The issue was that she sounded positively JUBILANT as she crapped all over my morning. You could tell that she was DELIGHTED to be giving me bad news. I apologized to her for what must be such an awful life that it inspires her in her place of work to be a raging cuntface. I hope Fatima loses her job and is replaced by somebody who is actually grateful to have employment.
There. I have finished ranting and now I can move on with my day.
On the bright side, the sun is out!!! I am hoping to get my work done early enough so that I can take a couple of pictures. And tomorrow is the Aurora ArtWalk which I am stoked about. And Saturday is the Bluegrass Festival. These are all happy, wonderful things. The world is a lovely place.
Take that, Fatima.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
XX
Pink Shoes
Originally uploaded by Annie Ominous
Today is a six. But a pretty good six. I made Chicken Gyros and cucumber-dill salad for dinner. And I love my new pink shoes. Shame I don't get to wear them until June.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
And sometimes I feel like a Greek tragedy
Wouldn't it be nice to have a vacation from yourself? Mood swings are tiring. I am almost certain that the catalyst behind my personal brand of crazy is PMDD caused by my birth control (Mirena IUC). I don't like using that as an excuse though.
I feel like I should be able to control my emotions. I do not want to take anything to counteract the nasty side effects. It's just an ongoing battle between me and myself. Unfortunately, my family usually bears the wounds. I feel terrible for hurting the people I love the most.
I am going to keep trying to not be me.
(Sisyphus by Franz Stuck)
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